• Call Now: 405.341.3554
  • Connect

Edmond Family Counseling Articles

Articles by the Counselors at Edmond Family Counseling

Nothing is as it seems; or at least how it seems to you or me

Thursday, October 13, 2016

By Chad McCoy, M.A., LPC

Now more than ever, I am increasingly impressed by the power of perception. Time after time, event after event, I find myself leaving a situation with what I believe to be the “truth” of the situation only to find out later that it was not at all as it seemed. We’ve all been there, and it makes one wonder why we are so imperfect in our ability to accurately perceive situations.  

Today is September 27th, 2016, the day following the first presidential debate. I watched the debate, many of my friends watched the debate, and most likely you yourself watched the debate. Don’t worry: This will not devolve into a discussion of “who won what”. Rather, the purpose of this prose is to point out how we all could have witnessed the same events, same words, and same answers; yet we all have such varying degrees of who “won.” Why is this? We were all there in one form or another. Lester Holt asked the questions that everyone heard, and everyone heard the answers given. However, I have seen and heard two opposing ideas of the outcome.

The outcome of these debates, or any other emotionally charged event, is colored by the bias that we carry into the event. Elizabeth Loftus, a prolific researcher and professor, points out the importance of bias and memory; in particular, false memories (I suggest looking into her TED Talk here: https://www.ted.com/talks/elizabeth_loftus_the_fiction_of_memory?language=en). Our perception of an event is highly influenced by many factors and often times highly malleable. Previous experiences lend to us the most readily available information along with a host of expectations that we carry prior to the experience of any event. Confirmation bias (the idea that we seek out resources to only confirm our beliefs) is another barrier that impedes our ability to see eye-to-eye on topics and events. It’s much more difficult to consume information that is contradictory to our beliefs as it would be to find information that align with it. This often times is why during an argument we can only seem to hear what we want, especially when we’re looking for holes in discussion or information to affirm our position.

Our personal investment in any event also determines our perception. If I have a monetary, or religious belief at stake, my perception may be altered to find alignment with that (e.g. Why would I not believe in the very thing I’ve invested so much?). At times the fallout is much more than what we could bear. It’s often easier to allow our biases to rule over us then for us to adjust our views because of new information presented. Rather than accept your perspective as truth, maybe it’s in better form to settle for providing insight into your own interpretation of an event.

A good way to do this during conversation or debates, is to allow your counterpart an opportunity to understand your perspective in its entirety, biases and all. A good way of doing this is an “I statement”. You take responsibility for your perspective and why you have the stance that you have. An “I statement” begins with your own stance, “I become upset when the chores aren’t done because it shows a lack of respect for the household rules.” Now doesn’t that sound a ton better than, “You never do what I ask and are SO disrespectful!!” It’s a way to turn down the temperature of conflict and turn up your relationships.

Edmond Family Counseling serves the community by providing a local resource for mental health and substance abuse services. If we can help you, call us at 405-341-3554 or log on to edmondfamily.org.

 



Comments
Post has no comments.
Post a Comment



Captcha Image

Trackback Link
http://edmondfamilycounseling.org/BlogRetrieve.aspx?BlogID=17125&PostID=1483133&A=Trackback
Trackbacks
Post has no trackbacks.

Recent Posts


Tags

Sanjay Gupta Holidays Help for panic and anxiety Teens and cell phones Normalcy Lee Daniel Kravetz Drinking in high school Teenagers ADHD Disciplining Teens Consequences Communication techniques for couples Suicide Conflict Terrorism and children Childhood depression Eating Disorder Panic Learning Disabilites Boundaries Dr. Rhonda Patrick Call of Duty Family Systems Theory Supersurvivors Micro-aggression Great Depression Butane Hask Oil Tetra-Amelia Syndrome Depression and social media Choices Gender Roles Edmond Family Counseling How many sessions do I need Goal Setting Tumblr Teens and Smartphones Developmentally appropriate strategies for grief counseling Butane Honey Oil Helen Keller Adult Children Aggregated News for Teens Americans with Disabilities Act Depression What to do when you are laid off Waxing MEDITERRANEAN DIET The Butterfly Circus Movies for Teens Disability Brain Research Co-Parenting Andy Weir Speaker Listener Technique Newsletter responsibility Therapy Divorce with minor children Ben Carson Scapegoating GirlStrong Marriage Mayme White Miller THE PALEO DIET Relationships College How to talk to your kids about terrorism How to recognize domestic violence Facebook Teen Drug Use Procrastination Detox Diet Parenting and Cell Phones Time Management Setting Boundaries for Your Teen Funding Happiness Confidentiality Joshua and Rebecca Weigel Al McCormick Oklahoma Statute on Marijuana 5 Love Languages Fear Fidget Spinners Oklahoma Department of Human Services Positive Reinforcement Organization Changing Problem Behavior Working Parents John Goetz How to detect signs of depression Marijuana Communication Parenting through Divorce Teen Suicide Parent peer pressure Limitations of counseling World Health Organization gadgets Emotions Is therapy forever ADA Teen Safety Links between unemployment and depression Early Treatment of Depression How to manage anxiety Elizabeth Loftus Annie Sullivan Underage Drinking Prevention Prescription Drugs New year’s resolution Children Captain of Your Ship Alcohol School Anxiety Twenty Somethings Bong Heroin Crisis Learning Co-Parenting Class Negative Thinking Codependency AARP Michael Jackson National Drug Threat Assessment Summary Exercise treatment for depression Domestic violence resources Legalization of Marijuana Donald Miller Enabling Adult Children Setting Boundaries with Adult Children Back to School The Golden Years Gun violence and mental health Audrey Woods Anxiety Stress Sheila Stinnett Medical Use of Marijuana in Oklahoma Panic Disorder Why did the system fail Trauma Role Models Misconceptions of Smoking Marijuana Freshman Year Golden Child Spanking Suicide Prevention Recommendations Summer Managing substance abuse Opiods Ridley Scott School Addiction Teens and Time Management The Amazing Race Prom guidelines for teens What Really Matters Positive Thinking HB 2249 Child Development THE KETOGENIC DIET Reading Teenage perception of drug use Peers Bullying HK pen Anger Retirement Planning Character Development The Miracle Worker Marriage counseling Hanna Baker Snapchat Edmond Schedule 1 Drug Drug Abuse Microagression What is domestic violence Isolation in teens College Campus Drugs Grandparenting Jackie Shaw Parenting Teenagers How prevalent is domestic violence Instagram Panic attacks Family Theory Belinda Crosier Will counseling work quickly 13 Reasons Why NOT Strong Willed Child Parenting with purpose Quinton Ellis Child Abuse Siblings in Conflict Grounded Hope Twitter Disasters Teenage Boys Risk taking Presidential debate Entitlement Syndrome Death Prom safety Edmond Municipal Court parenting college age kids Darcy McConnell Chad McCoy Divorce School Emotional Development Teen Parenting How common are panic attacks Millenials Bias Grandparents as parents Apps for Teens Heroin in the Suburbs list David Feldman Edmond drug use Food Allergies Drug Use The Martian Movie Teenage Development Culture Dating Social Media Parenting non-verbal communication 13 Reasons Why Mental Health spring College Age Children Parkland Shooter Wax Communicating with your child Retirement diet Summer Plans for Teens privilege College Transitions bucket list Family Roles fads Summer time parenting Jay Asher Substance Abuse United States Drug Enforcement Agency The Martian Book Grandparent Initiative What Matters Most Program Social anxiety Mild-Depression History James Dobson Decision-Making Edmond Character Council Unemployment 710 Cell Phones goals Chores for Teens Sexual Abuse Support Group Amanda Percival Oklahoma drug use Community Suicide Prevention Programs Political Correctness DIY Marriage counseling Suicide Prevention for Teens Prom Bias and memory Technology brain Holiday stress Impact of Suicide self-sabotage Young Adults Nutrition and stress Teens Use of Technology When Teens Should Get a Cell Phone Independent Living Self Investment high school How to control panic attacks Self Image Communicating with your teen Girl Strong Discipline Dr. Ben Carson How do children process trauma Personality Test How long should counseling take Unemployment and depression Seniors Feldman and Kravetz personal growth Affluenza Teen Jobs Positive Illusions Divorce Political bias Self-Esteem

Archive

Call Us Now!