• Call Now: 405.341.3554
  • Connect

Edmond Family Counseling Articles

Articles by the Counselors at Edmond Family Counseling

Nothing is as it seems; or at least how it seems to you or me

Thursday, October 13, 2016

By Chad McCoy, M.A., LPC

Now more than ever, I am increasingly impressed by the power of perception. Time after time, event after event, I find myself leaving a situation with what I believe to be the “truth” of the situation only to find out later that it was not at all as it seemed. We’ve all been there, and it makes one wonder why we are so imperfect in our ability to accurately perceive situations.  

Today is September 27th, 2016, the day following the first presidential debate. I watched the debate, many of my friends watched the debate, and most likely you yourself watched the debate. Don’t worry: This will not devolve into a discussion of “who won what”. Rather, the purpose of this prose is to point out how we all could have witnessed the same events, same words, and same answers; yet we all have such varying degrees of who “won.” Why is this? We were all there in one form or another. Lester Holt asked the questions that everyone heard, and everyone heard the answers given. However, I have seen and heard two opposing ideas of the outcome.

The outcome of these debates, or any other emotionally charged event, is colored by the bias that we carry into the event. Elizabeth Loftus, a prolific researcher and professor, points out the importance of bias and memory; in particular, false memories (I suggest looking into her TED Talk here: https://www.ted.com/talks/elizabeth_loftus_the_fiction_of_memory?language=en). Our perception of an event is highly influenced by many factors and often times highly malleable. Previous experiences lend to us the most readily available information along with a host of expectations that we carry prior to the experience of any event. Confirmation bias (the idea that we seek out resources to only confirm our beliefs) is another barrier that impedes our ability to see eye-to-eye on topics and events. It’s much more difficult to consume information that is contradictory to our beliefs as it would be to find information that align with it. This often times is why during an argument we can only seem to hear what we want, especially when we’re looking for holes in discussion or information to affirm our position.

Our personal investment in any event also determines our perception. If I have a monetary, or religious belief at stake, my perception may be altered to find alignment with that (e.g. Why would I not believe in the very thing I’ve invested so much?). At times the fallout is much more than what we could bear. It’s often easier to allow our biases to rule over us then for us to adjust our views because of new information presented. Rather than accept your perspective as truth, maybe it’s in better form to settle for providing insight into your own interpretation of an event.

A good way to do this during conversation or debates, is to allow your counterpart an opportunity to understand your perspective in its entirety, biases and all. A good way of doing this is an “I statement”. You take responsibility for your perspective and why you have the stance that you have. An “I statement” begins with your own stance, “I become upset when the chores aren’t done because it shows a lack of respect for the household rules.” Now doesn’t that sound a ton better than, “You never do what I ask and are SO disrespectful!!” It’s a way to turn down the temperature of conflict and turn up your relationships.

Edmond Family Counseling serves the community by providing a local resource for mental health and substance abuse services. If we can help you, call us at 405-341-3554 or log on to edmondfamily.org.

 



Comments
Post has no comments.
Post a Comment



Captcha Image

Trackback Link
http://edmondfamilycounseling.org/BlogRetrieve.aspx?BlogID=17125&PostID=1483133&A=Trackback
Trackbacks
Post has no trackbacks.

Recent Posts


Tags

Emotions Donald Miller Summer Butane Hask Oil Alcohol Prom safety Emotional Development Changing Problem Behavior Detox Diet brain Stress ADA Grounded Hope Andy Weir Teens and cell phones Managing substance abuse Substance Abuse World Health Organization Self Image Anger Adult Children History personal growth Why did the system fail Teen Safety Misconceptions of Smoking Marijuana Family Systems Theory Back to School Entitlement Syndrome Co-Parenting Class Strong Willed Child Drinking in high school How many sessions do I need Nutrition and stress Divorce School GirlStrong Positive Thinking Edmond drug use Parent peer pressure Fear Americans with Disabilities Act Unemployment Parenting Teenagers The Amazing Race Time Management Disability Impact of Suicide Divorce Is therapy forever Unemployment and depression Self-Esteem Marijuana Family Roles Opiods Technology Support Group Role Models Family Theory Personality Test Dr. Ben Carson Character Development Co-Parenting Sheila Stinnett The Golden Years Communicating with your child Working Parents College Campus Risk taking Goal Setting Butane Honey Oil Learning Teenagers Retirement Planning David Feldman What is domestic violence Siblings in Conflict Conflict Schedule 1 Drug Early Treatment of Depression Sanjay Gupta Teen Jobs Setting Boundaries with Adult Children Panic attacks Prom guidelines for teens Heroin Crisis Millenials Suicide Girl Strong Confidentiality College Age Children Quinton Ellis Call of Duty Political Correctness 13 Reasons Why NOT Elizabeth Loftus Communicating with your teen Tumblr Helen Keller Feldman and Kravetz Great Depression Tetra-Amelia Syndrome Domestic violence resources Marriage Developmentally appropriate strategies for grief counseling Chad McCoy Food Allergies Social anxiety DIY Marriage counseling How to recognize domestic violence Drugs Relationships Marriage counseling Teen Parenting Teen Suicide How long should counseling take Parenting Addiction Parkland Shooter Chores for Teens Parenting through Divorce Parenting and Cell Phones How prevalent is domestic violence Grandparent Initiative Choices Divorce with minor children Self Investment Dating John Goetz AARP James Dobson Communication Codependency The Martian Book Terrorism and children Independent Living Panic Disorder Suicide Prevention for Teens Mental Health Al McCormick Freshman Year Death Summer Plans for Teens How to talk to your kids about terrorism Eating Disorder Retirement Disciplining Teens Hanna Baker The Butterfly Circus Presidential debate Anxiety Michael Jackson Mild-Depression Reading Brain Research How to control panic attacks Ben Carson Spanking Therapy College Discipline Exercise treatment for depression Prom Communication techniques for couples What Matters Most Program gadgets responsibility HK pen Teenage Boys Teens Use of Technology Depression Bias and memory Ridley Scott Lee Daniel Kravetz Child Abuse Holiday stress Medical Use of Marijuana in Oklahoma Bias Speaker Listener Technique list Captain of Your Ship bucket list Snapchat What to do when you are laid off Seniors Jay Asher privilege 13 Reasons Why Teens and Smartphones Help for panic and anxiety Teenage Development Scapegoating Instagram National Drug Threat Assessment Summary United States Drug Enforcement Agency goals Will counseling work quickly Parenting with purpose Micro-aggression Young Adults The Martian Movie Darcy McConnell Mayme White Miller Suicide Prevention Recommendations THE PALEO DIET Gender Roles MEDITERRANEAN DIET diet ADHD Facebook How to manage anxiety 5 Love Languages Prescription Drugs Movies for Teens Trauma Grandparenting Setting Boundaries for Your Teen Teenage perception of drug use spring New year’s resolution 710 The Miracle Worker Funding THE KETOGENIC DIET How do children process trauma Learning Disabilites Depression and social media Microagression Heroin in the Suburbs Limitations of counseling Negative Thinking self-sabotage Child Development fads Children Teens and Time Management What Really Matters Holidays Audrey Woods Positive Reinforcement Boundaries School How common are panic attacks high school Amanda Percival Normalcy HB 2249 Peers Decision-Making Edmond Character Council Panic Oklahoma drug use Gun violence and mental health Community Suicide Prevention Programs Happiness Aggregated News for Teens Waxing Twenty Somethings Enabling Adult Children Golden Child Organization Supersurvivors Apps for Teens Drug Use Newsletter Legalization of Marijuana Joshua and Rebecca Weigel Affluenza Procrastination Grandparents as parents Edmond Family Counseling College Transitions Culture Consequences Drug Abuse Links between unemployment and depression Bong non-verbal communication Oklahoma Department of Human Services Jackie Shaw Cell Phones Political bias Edmond Municipal Court Social Media Childhood depression Teen Drug Use Underage Drinking parenting college age kids Bullying When Teens Should Get a Cell Phone Belinda Crosier Oklahoma Statute on Marijuana Twitter Positive Illusions Annie Sullivan Sexual Abuse Summer time parenting Prevention School Anxiety How to detect signs of depression Wax Edmond Disasters Fidget Spinners Isolation in teens Dr. Rhonda Patrick

Archive

Call Us Now!