• Call Now: 405.341.3554
  • Connect

Edmond Family Counseling Articles

Articles by the Counselors at Edmond Family Counseling

Support Your Kids Through Thick & Thin

Monday, October 01, 2012
By Darcy McConnell, M.Ed., LADC, LPC

The month of October has been a busy month at EFC. School started in August and some were off to college while others were another year closer to high school graduation. Everyone seemed to settle in fine; some were attending football games while others were living on their own for the first time. After a little while came the first round of arrests for smoking marijuana in the bathroom or drinking at the games. Concerned parents perused report cards. This influx of clients has always been interesting to me because it seems very crisis driven and often chaotic.

I remember growing up through high school and the first years of college. These were hard, stressful times. As humans, we all make mistakes. We are fortunate that there is room for mistakes at that young age. We all understand that not a single person is perfect and that people are going to make mistakes. I wonder why it is then that we are so hard on them when they do make mistakes. Now, I’m not in any way dismissing bad behavior and I love consequences, but the lesson is “learning from one’s mistakes and behaving differently”. If someone trips up along the way, I think we must first ask ourselves “why?”. This goes for the one behaving badly also. Growing up is so much about developing identity and understanding one’s self. If we can understand ourselves well enough to be aware and cautious of not repeating the behavior in the future, then we change and grow.

I enjoy working with clients who return to therapy after beginning their first year of college because it is often not everything that they thought it would be and, all of a sudden, they’re miserably unhappy. I remember that transition myself and I remember it being characterized by a lack of self-confidence and an extreme amount of anxiety about the future. For the first time in life, we move out from our parents’ homes and in with friends or even sometimes strangers. There is an incredible amount of change and freedom gained in this move.

Unfortunately, change for most humans is not easy and is actually uncomfortable simply because it is totally different. Individuals go through so many emotions during this time and may even question whether they really know what they want or why they feel the way a particular way.

I remember being young and so focused on moving out so that my parents would not be as involved in all the things going on in my life. I also remember getting frustrated with professors who did not even care to know my name. It was frustrating, too, to find friends who were more interested in other things that absolutely did not matter than being good friends and relationships that simply did not work out. Then I remember being sad, hurt, frustrated and confused. The worst part was that, at the end of a really bad day, my overinvolved parents were not sitting in the living room asking me about what was going on in every aspect of my life. I can still remember realizing how important they were and how I missed them and their advice so much. Parents, please do not ever think that your children do not need your support; they do. Tell them that you love them and that they are capable of anything.

The extreme amount of freedom mentioned above and the lack of structure in the collegiate environment can also factor into the stress equation for young people. Many students struggle with not having assigned studies versus the independent notes with four scheduled tests or research papers for grades format. Procrastination seems to bear its ugly head, especially when there are so many parties and new people to meet. College rarely comes with a handbook for success. Classes sometimes are a wash and have to be dropped. Please do not forget or dismiss the guilt and feelings of disappointment that are always a part of these situations and remember, life is about learning from our experiences. Unfortunately, mistakes happen and we don’t always know the right thing to do the first time. Parents, please support your children even when they do not do what you think they should have done.

Healthy support during these times is the very best thing you can do for your children and your friends. The most important factor is that people learn and do things differently, whether we’re talking something as simple as studying or something more complicated like relationships. People need the encouragement and the freedom to understand what has happened from an honest point of view and to acknowledge the problem in order to prevent its repetition.

Parents, if you do not know what to do when your child is in distress, it’s okay. There are professionals to consult when you feel the need. Support your kids but never do what they can do themselves. Be firm, be real and reinforce what you know that they are capable of, not what you fear they are not. This will foster positive thinking, which, when paired with good problem solving skills, is an amazing combination. Dealing with these situations does not come with a handbook, and sometimes people get it wrong. It’s all right; everybody makes mistakes and this is how and why people change and grow.

Darcy McConnell is a therapist at Edmond Family Counseling, Inc. and can be reached at 341-3554.

Comments
Post has no comments.
Post a Comment



Captcha Image

Trackback Link
http://edmondfamilycounseling.org/BlogRetrieve.aspx?BlogID=17125&PostID=1105020&A=Trackback
Trackbacks
Post has no trackbacks.

Recent Posts


Tags

Discipline Ridley Scott Teenage perception of drug use Bong Drugs Unemployment and depression Underage Drinking Ben Carson Divorce How to recognize domestic violence Risk taking How to manage anxiety Childhood depression Communicating with your child Emotions How many sessions do I need Why did the system fail Medical Use of Marijuana in Oklahoma Heroin in the Suburbs THE PALEO DIET Setting Boundaries with Adult Children Parent peer pressure How prevalent is domestic violence Fidget Spinners Oklahoma Department of Human Services Parenting and Cell Phones Enabling Adult Children Facebook Butane Honey Oil School Anxiety Joshua and Rebecca Weigel Heroin Crisis Freshman Year gadgets Dating AARP Millenials GirlStrong Drug Use Prescription Drugs Bias Dr. Ben Carson Seniors Relationships Impact of Suicide Grandparenting fads Positive Illusions Presidential debate Stress Schedule 1 Drug James Dobson HB 2249 Family Roles Self Image College Transitions Spanking Teens and Smartphones Drinking in high school 13 Reasons Why Twenty Somethings Culture Isolation in teens What Really Matters 5 Love Languages Prom guidelines for teens Disability Darcy McConnell Edmond Character Council Parkland Shooter Technology Adult Children Therapy Grandparent Initiative Trauma Donald Miller Death parenting college age kids Edmond drug use Gun violence and mental health Grounded Hope United States Drug Enforcement Agency What is domestic violence Back to School Teen Drug Use Prom safety DIY Marriage counseling Teen Jobs personal growth Jay Asher College Age Children Mild-Depression Teenage Boys Peers Confidentiality Food Allergies Young Adults Gender Roles Golden Child Eating Disorder Micro-aggression Co-Parenting Michael Jackson Anger Holidays Chores for Teens Audrey Woods Twitter Prevention Instagram Family Theory Butane Hask Oil Al McCormick Affluenza Disasters bucket list Self-Esteem What Matters Most Program Teen Suicide Fear Decision-Making David Feldman Organization spring Divorce with minor children Summer Boundaries Girl Strong 13 Reasons Why NOT Jackie Shaw Reading Is therapy forever Great Depression Funding The Miracle Worker Child Abuse Parenting with purpose Call of Duty Suicide Edmond Municipal Court Teenage Development list Quinton Ellis Procrastination 710 Microagression Marijuana Panic attacks Domestic violence resources Exercise treatment for depression Supersurvivors How to detect signs of depression Working Parents What to do when you are laid off Mental Health diet Family Systems Theory Detox Diet Character Development Managing substance abuse Changing Problem Behavior Elizabeth Loftus The Martian Book Codependency Cell Phones Wax Depression and social media Political bias Movies for Teens Scapegoating Andy Weir Substance Abuse Addiction Misconceptions of Smoking Marijuana Marriage Helen Keller Summer time parenting Personality Test Retirement Sexual Abuse College Goal Setting Summer Plans for Teens Teen Safety The Golden Years World Health Organization ADA New year’s resolution How do children process trauma Americans with Disabilities Act HK pen Teenagers Brain Research Panic Disorder Belinda Crosier Positive Reinforcement Opiods Child Development Help for panic and anxiety Developmentally appropriate strategies for grief counseling Positive Thinking The Martian Movie John Goetz Will counseling work quickly Self Investment Consequences Captain of Your Ship Anxiety Legalization of Marijuana ADHD Early Treatment of Depression Chad McCoy Mayme White Miller THE KETOGENIC DIET Strong Willed Child Independent Living Sanjay Gupta Limitations of counseling Feldman and Kravetz Snapchat Aggregated News for Teens Parenting Teenagers Bias and memory Edmond Teens Use of Technology Normalcy Teens and Time Management Bullying Drug Abuse Time Management National Drug Threat Assessment Summary Marriage counseling School The Amazing Race Apps for Teens Co-Parenting Class Entitlement Syndrome Retirement Planning Emotional Development Communication Choices How to control panic attacks Annie Sullivan Parenting Sheila Stinnett MEDITERRANEAN DIET Communication techniques for couples brain Political Correctness high school Learning How long should counseling take Depression Terrorism and children Parenting through Divorce Dr. Rhonda Patrick Conflict Panic Setting Boundaries for Your Teen Holiday stress Unemployment Social anxiety Tetra-Amelia Syndrome Role Models Edmond Family Counseling Support Group When Teens Should Get a Cell Phone self-sabotage Community Suicide Prevention Programs Grandparents as parents Amanda Percival Social Media Divorce School non-verbal communication Disciplining Teens Waxing privilege Suicide Prevention for Teens Lee Daniel Kravetz History College Campus Tumblr responsibility Suicide Prevention Recommendations Teens and cell phones Siblings in Conflict Newsletter Happiness Hanna Baker How common are panic attacks Links between unemployment and depression Negative Thinking The Butterfly Circus Alcohol Prom Nutrition and stress Teen Parenting How to talk to your kids about terrorism Learning Disabilites goals Children Communicating with your teen Speaker Listener Technique Oklahoma Statute on Marijuana Oklahoma drug use

Archive

Call Us Now!